i want a friend with benefits (dental and medical insurance, 401k retirement plan, etc.)

1:06 am  •  14 October 2014  •  334,552 notes


ppl my age have children what the hell i am a children

(Source: buriaq)

9:12 pm  •  9 October 2014  •  777,853 notes




date a boy who reads. or better yet date a 37 year old recent divorcee with a highly diversified stock portfolio who’s looking to feel young again and can treat you to what you deserve

Yeah that’s right, be a fucking gold digger, whores.

u sound poor how dare you talk to me 

(Source: fucklesbostonbruins)

4:52 pm  •  2 October 2014  •  258,547 notes


If zombies ever attack just go to Costco… they have concrete walls… years of foods and supplies… and best of all the zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership card

12:30 am  •  2 October 2014  •  351,509 notes